• east coasters: i drove through 17 states on the way to work
  • west coasters: i have been traveling in this desert for 49 years. generations have died. children have been born. when will i make it to the promised land
  • Midwesterners: I haven't left a 20 mile radius in 2 years
  • floridians: please help me there are so many oranges they are attacki-

l-shadows-fades:

coolemcha:

They’re poisoning them early

Her face is the overall emotion that everyone should be experiencing right now

(via usinvaders)

  • I'm in my father's class at my high school. He said this today:
  • Him: As some of you may not know, I'm a feminist.
  • class: *laughs*
  • Him: No, really, I am.
  • Class: *laughs again*
  • Him: Why is that funny?
  • Asshole: Because you're a man, and you shouldn't think that way.
  • Him: Well why not?
  • Asshole: I dunno that's just the way that is.
  • Him: I'm a feminist because of my wife. She and I have the EXACT same job. Yet, I make more than her.
  • Class: *laughs*
  • Him: Why is that funny? Shouldn't women be paid equally as men?
  • Same Asshole: No, they're supposed to be in the kitchen.
  • Him: *slams fist on asshole's desk* Why?
  • Asshole: Because that's how it is.
  • Him: Why?
  • Asshole: That's their job.
  • Him: Why?
  • Asshole: *can't come up with another answer*
  • Him: I'm a feminist because my wife has the exact same job, gets less pay, and with that, I can barely support my three children. If she got paid as much as me, life would be a bit easier for all of us.
  • *note, my mother is a teacher like my father*
  • Him: Women gave birth to us, and now, here in the state of Michigan, they can't even have their own rights? It's 2014 people! Grow up or get out of my class.
  • Class: *silence*
  • Him: Now.. Louis XVI

When you are 13 years old,
the heat will be turned up too high
and the stars will not be in your favor.
You will hide behind a bookcase
with your family and everything left behind.
You will pour an ocean into a diary.
When they find you, you will be nothing
but a spark above a burning bush,
still, tell them
Despite everything, I really believe people are good at heart.

When you are 14,
a voice will call you to greatness.
When the doubters call you crazy, do not listen.
They don’t know the sound
of their own God’s whisper. Use your armor,
use your sword, use your two good hands.
Do not let their doubting
drown out the sound of your own heartbeat.
You are the Maid of Untamed Patriotism.
Born to lead armies into victory and unite a nation
like a broken heart.

When you are 15, you will be punished
for learning too proudly. A man
will climb onto your school bus and insist
your sisters name you enemy.
When you do not hide,
he will point his gun at your temple
and fire three times. Three years later,
in an ocean of words, with no apologies,
you will stand before the leaders of the world
and tell them your country is burning.

When you are 16 years old,
you will invent science fiction.
The story of a man named Frankenstein
and his creation. Soon after you will learn
that little girls with big ideas are more terrifying
than monsters, but don’t worry.
You will be remembered long after
they have put down their torches.

When you are 17 years old,
you will strike out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig
one right after the other.
Men will be afraid of the lightening
in your fingertips. A few days later
you will be fired from the major leagues
because “Girls are too delicate to play baseball”

You will turn 18 with a baby on your back
leading Lewis and Clark
across North America.

You will turn 18 
and become queen of the Nile.

You will turn 18 
and bring justice to journalism.

You are now 18, standing on the precipice,
trembling before your own greatness.

This is your call to leap.

There will always being those
who say you are too young and delicate
to make anything happen for yourself.
They don’t see the part of you that smolders.
Don’t let their doubting drown out the sound
of your own heartbeat.

You are the first drop of a hurricane.
Your bravery builds beyond you. You are needed
by all the little girls still living in secret,
writing oceans made of monsters and
throwing like lightening.

You don’t need to grow up to find greatness.
You are stronger than the world has ever believed you to be.
The world laid out before you to set on fire.
All you have to do
is burn.

poshxspice:

subject13fringe:

montypythonandtheholyblog:

today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 

image

today on satan makes a blog post

(via pwoipletwoitle7)

eartheld:

helicine:

how do i get this picture of myself tumblr famous

i want this tattooed on my back

(via avalonwolf)

anachronisticsiren:


Anne Hathaway as Mary Poppins (Saturday Night Live, April 10, 2008) [x]

#MIA ARE YOU MOCKING YOUR GRANDMA?????
A+ tag from camyberry

anachronisticsiren:

Anne Hathaway as Mary Poppins (Saturday Night Live, April 10, 2008) [x]

A+ tag from camyberry

(via danrdarrenc)

A progression of bad language

hawlmuchalucha:

deans-left-buttcheek:

Kindergarten: Stupid. Oh gosh don’t tell anyone I said that.
Elementary school: What the heck.
Middle School: Damn it this is freaking dumb as hell
High school: what the fuck did you just say you little fucking shitbitchcuntfuck I will beat the dicks out of your ass

College: what the frick frack snick snack are u doing

(via perchancetodance)

gotpasta:

cosbyykidd:

sickomobb:

ghivashels:

colinmorgasms:

what if obama does the ice bucket challenge and nominates queen elizabeth

what if obama actually talks about what’s going on in ferguson

what if obama stopped exterminating the middle eastern population with drones

what if obama lowered my gotdamn tuition

What if everyone gets educated and stops acting like the President can make decisions for the country by themselves

(via perchancetodance)

shouldnt:

THE FACT THAT THE AMERICAN PEDIATRIC SOCIETY TOLD AMERICAN SCHOOL SYSTEMS THAT TEENS SHOULD NOT BE UP BEFORE 8:30 AND ONLY 15% OF SCHOOLS LISTENED ANGERS ME SO MUCH

(via perchancetodance)

malformalady:

McDonald’s has been forced to open its first ever restaurant with a turquoise coloured sign after city planners said the signature yellow sign would be too garish. Officials in Sedona, Arizona told the fast-food giant they were unable to open a restaurant with the trademark yellow logo.This is due to the city’s strict regulations which prevent buildings from ruining the picturesque view of the desert.

Photo credit: Michael Wright/WENN.com

(via confessionofobsession)

winterlong:

yourroyalpenis:

i-speak-fluent-nerd:

magick-mayhem:

STOOOOOP

THANKS FOR MAKING ME CRY RUDE

The clock one got me.

This post actually made me teary eyed.

(via confessionofobsession)